By Kristy How 

I’m writing this on the last day of 2009. The television is busy showing all the highlights and lowlights of 2009 and my trashy womens’ magazines are full of the best and worst dressed for the year – which got me thinking. Bad tastes in dress standards are not limited to Lindsay Lohan, Lady Gaga and Elton John. There are some strange and wonderful dress standards in aviation too. There are also some cases of blatant abuse of the sacred flying suit and epaulette. Uniforms serve a purpose but on some people they are a disguise rather than a form of identity.

My biggest gripe is the epaulette. Who knew something so innocent as a few strips of gold trim stitched to a cotton flap could be such a powerful tool? Worn correctly the epaulette has always been a symbol of status, achievement and respect. Those who wore it were those we could trust. The more stripes they had, the more we would trust them.  Take a good look around the tarmac now and you will find that every Tom, Dick and Harriet has shopped at their favourite pilot supplies shop and glued a stack of gold to their shoulders. I have seen and even worked for flying schools where everyone down to the lunch boy has been bestowed some makeshift ‘rank’ within the system. I’m sure this does wonders for the ego of those with the most stripes but what does it do to the true value of the symbol?

In my humble opinion the epaulette should be left to the military and airline pilots. Both have a use for the old shoulder stripes and both pay them the respect they deserve. Bus drivers, junior flight instructors and charter pilots should simply keep to a tidy uniform of shirt and slacks – it would save a lot of confusion. Another option would be to have CASA issue a directive on the use of epaulettes in aviation. Only commercial pilots with over 5000 hours should be allowed to wear them.

Nomex flying suits are the other instrument of illusion for the wannabe Top Gun. I’m sorry but, unless there is a high risk of your ass catching fire, the need to eject from the aircraft or remain camouflaged when on the ground, you don’t need a flying suit. You might feel cool but has anyone noticed how unattractive flying suits really are with their baggy bums and pockets in 47 locations?

Those who abuse the symbolism of a pilot’s uniform make me most mad when I see them flaunting it around the shopping centre or restaurant. No – nobody thinks you are great for wearing it. They are all staring at you because they wonder why you couldn’t manage a shower and a change of clothes after work. You probably smell bad too. We all know what nomex left in a confined cockpit smells like and we don’t need you to show us.

Putting on a tutu won’t make you a ballerina and putting on some gold stripes won’t make you a great pilot. There are people out there who have worked hard to earn the right to wear a uniform and they should wear it proudly.  Some defend our country and others provide an essential service, taking on a lot of responsibility and a lot of long hours to do so. All the rest appear counterfeit and are bogus attempts at the real thing.